Monday, December 27, 2010

Rosemary Hill

Christmas was as lovely as it could have been considering the circumstances of being alone with the children all day while Riki has worked nonstop doubles since Christmas eve. I was very grateful for the phone calls with various family members that day so I didn't feel so lonely. I'm not going to post warm fuzzy pictures for Christmas trees or the kids opening gifts. That's just not where I've been at this year. I'm actually a bit relieved for all of it to be over. Like many, I think that I always yearn for something more in the spirit of this season past all of the pretty decorations and frenzied materialism...

so here I look forward to the twelve holy nights....a different meditation and contemplation for each evening. I was just listening to a song that I was smitten with a year ago when my friend Darla loaned it to me to burn onto the ipod. It is a simple song called "Rosemary Hill." It has a sixties commune sort of feel about this beautiful place where everything seems just right. I remember sitting in the rv at Riki's mom's before we started our journey in the rv listening to that song and thinking about how my own "Rosemary Hill" was waiting out there...somewhere, if I could just get to it. I guess I imagined this as some sort of hippie shangri la place with women in white dresses with garlands of flowers in their hair, maybe some unicorns galloping around, lol, you get the idea. I sit here a year later listening to the same song and reminiscing about sitting in that rv with some cozy knitting, looking out on the lake on their property, and I find it almost laughable that as I sat there dreaming of faraway places I now sit here in faraway places dreaming of where I once was in an odd sort of way. So it occurred to me that "Rosemary Hill" is a state of mind more than a place. You can be in a very beautiful place and still be discontent as this past month or two has proven. There will always, always be discontent. You will always be searching, going after the next mirage, only to discover that it disappears just as soon as you get to it. That certainly doesn't mean I have warm fuzzy feelings about going back to live in toxic cities with sprawling development either. It just means that sometimes a state of mind is more important than an actual location, no matter where you are.