Little House On The Mesa

I'm not in the best of spirits today. There is so much to be done and so much uncertainty to ponder. We spent several days away from home in the rv visiting extended family which was nice but hard to completely uwind knowing how many things need to be taken care of before we leave in two weeks. I'm sitting here with clutter everywhere. Despite how much I've unloaded to the thrift store or other people there is still so much more. I am panicking a bit about how I'm going to make this house empty and what I'm going to do with what is left. Right now I fantasize about having that huge trailer backed up to my house to haul it all away.

It has been hard to do homeschool preparations with everything going on. I managed to teach myself a little winter ditty on the flute and I'm slooowly learning to read music. Baby steps. I just got in a beautiful book from amazon on Prince Siddhartha, the life of Buddha. We are going to do a very long lesson block on this in the beginning of the year. I really can appreciate the customization of homeschooling, being able to instill your own personal values and traditions that you know would not be covered in another school.

Our yard sale didn't do as well as we had anticipated. Our almost brand new Ikea furniture isn't selling on craigslist. I've spent the last two weeks seeing what a ridiculous amount of money I've spent on things that weren't used or appreciated over the years. Mechanical repairs and now holiday expenses have drained our savings dry. Thankfully we now have a working rv that is roadworthy but we never expected to pay so much to fix all the little things. This isn't how we had planned or budgeted it. I tend to think that fulfilling our year's lease was a bad idea. We would be in much better shape now if we had not been paying $850 a month for rent all this time. Oh well, what can you do?

I'm tired of certain rhetorical questions being asked all the time, as if I have no idea what I'm doing or getting into by moving into an rv fulltime. I understand that finances aren't what they could be but if we stayed here we would be living on the same income as we will have on the road but with at least twice the monthly expenses. The right choice seems fairly obvious to me. It also seems more logical that Riki would find some kind of work by traveling to different places vs. staying here in the same place we've been for almost a year with no job prospects at all.

I think I'm just recovering from all the holiday madness of running around while needing to tend to our own affairs at home. I  had about four hours of  sleep last night from insomnia, stress related no doubt. Now I'm trying to figure out Christmas and crossing my fingers that somebody buys this furniture to keep us above the negative.

Overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed out, and done. I'm tired of listening to my neighbors screaming at each other and blaring the radio all hours of day and night. I'm tired of naysayers. I'm tired of the pressure from the usual over commercialized holiday. Last year I had time to make gifts but this year I absolutely don't and have little money to work with.  I think I'm just plain tired.

Amy