Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I'm not in the best of spirits today. There is so much to be done and so much uncertainty to ponder. We spent several days away from home in the rv visiting extended family which was nice but hard to completely uwind knowing how many things need to be taken care of before we leave in two weeks. I'm sitting here with clutter everywhere. Despite how much I've unloaded to the thrift store or other people there is still so much more. I am panicking a bit about how I'm going to make this house empty and what I'm going to do with what is left. Right now I fantasize about having that huge trailer backed up to my house to haul it all away.

It has been hard to do homeschool preparations with everything going on. I managed to teach myself a little winter ditty on the flute and I'm slooowly learning to read music. Baby steps. I just got in a beautiful book from amazon on Prince Siddhartha, the life of Buddha. We are going to do a very long lesson block on this in the beginning of the year. I really can appreciate the customization of homeschooling, being able to instill your own personal values and traditions that you know would not be covered in another school.

Our yard sale didn't do as well as we had anticipated. Our almost brand new Ikea furniture isn't selling on craigslist. I've spent the last two weeks seeing what a ridiculous amount of money I've spent on things that weren't used or appreciated over the years. Mechanical repairs and now holiday expenses have drained our savings dry. Thankfully we now have a working rv that is roadworthy but we never expected to pay so much to fix all the little things. This isn't how we had planned or budgeted it. I tend to think that fulfilling our year's lease was a bad idea. We would be in much better shape now if we had not been paying $850 a month for rent all this time. Oh well, what can you do?

I'm tired of certain rhetorical questions being asked all the time, as if I have no idea what I'm doing or getting into by moving into an rv fulltime. I understand that finances aren't what they could be but if we stayed here we would be living on the same income as we will have on the road but with at least twice the monthly expenses. The right choice seems fairly obvious to me. It also seems more logical that Riki would find some kind of work by traveling to different places vs. staying here in the same place we've been for almost a year with no job prospects at all.

I think I'm just recovering from all the holiday madness of running around while needing to tend to our own affairs at home. I  had about four hours of  sleep last night from insomnia, stress related no doubt. Now I'm trying to figure out Christmas and crossing my fingers that somebody buys this furniture to keep us above the negative.

Overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed out, and done. I'm tired of listening to my neighbors screaming at each other and blaring the radio all hours of day and night. I'm tired of naysayers. I'm tired of the pressure from the usual over commercialized holiday. Last year I had time to make gifts but this year I absolutely don't and have little money to work with.  I think I'm just plain tired.



Kami said...

I am so sorry about your troubles. My family is in a very similar boat at the moment. We are also planning on leaving in 2 weeks and have a house full of junk that doesn't seem to be dwindling despite many trips to the thrift store, etc. Check us out at:

brits on tour said...

Just think, once you're on the road, all of these worries will be gone, as well as the neighbors and nay-sayers!
Good luck with the rest of your prep and enjoy your family, try to keep the worrying to a minimum and breathe!
Ali (touringbrits.blogspot)

Jenn Figueroa said...

The last 7 days were the hardest! I was pulling my hair out. I just wanted someone to put me out of my misery. BUT, when we pulled out of the driveway, it all became soooo worth it and so clear why we are choosing to live this way. You can do it! You're almost there! You will look back and not regret a thing. We have been on the road for 5 months and are loving every minute of it. I can't see going back to a traditional lifestyle. In 2 short weeks you can breathe, relax and decompress. Best wishes on your new life! ;-)

Wendi said...

Just like any normal life this new is going to have tons of times and things that are hard. One of the things I hate is when I'm feeling down and people blame it on my lifestyle choices. Like all the people who send their children to school and work outside the home never have off The thing I find the hardest is that they really do make me feel like it's my fault for choosing what I have. Don't let anyone do that too you. This life you're choosing will be harder at first than what you're used to. Any change can seem impossible....(at least it often does for me)...but you will have a hard and crazy time for a while, then all of a sudden it will be as normal as life gets. Try not to let the holidays get to you either. I've started giving my children "experience gifts". Papers I've decorated that have an activity on them. They really like it, and it ensures that we spend the time together that I want us to. Just a didn't cost me anything but the paper and pinking shears.:o) I use everything from "bake cookies" to "koolaid dye your hair". It's always something we have or that's easy to do. "Take a walk", "You get to use my camera for x hours"....things like that.

Good Luck, and remember that you're making memories. That's what I try to keep in mind when I'm ready to cry or scream over how hard everything is. I keep in mind that it won't be too long before I'm laughing over how upset I was over something that I couldn't do anything about.

P.S. I'm so excited for you. I'm still trying to talk my husband into at least a couple of years on the road.:o)

Little House On Wheels said...

I want to thank everyone for their comments and support. I'm relieved to know that some of you have been there and that it gets better when you leave.

Kami, I will definitely check you guys out. That's awesome that you are on the same timeline we are!

Wendi, I know exactly what you mean. I can't tell you how many times I've been told this, that, or the other thing is hard because of my weird parenting choices.